State of Mine

I have reach a point today that I guess is what most refer to as the push over the edge.
It is time to move along. I am so done with this place and the ignorant fucking people around me.
Is it too much to ask for an intelligent conversation?
Too much to ask for some understanding?
Yes.
It is too much to ask from my so called "friends".
Fact is I kind of hate them all anyways so its really not that important.
I just need a change of scenery I guess.
A new group of people to associate with because quite frankly the ones that surround me now have been the constant reasons for my unbearable headaches and my sleepless nights.

I regret what I have done to him.
Never thought I would and most really wouldn't blame me for leaving as suddenly as I did...but i regret it.
I regret what I did to him when I tried to mold him to fit my twisted perception of the perfect man.
Fact is, he was perfect in the beginning.
I have created my own monsters.
I miss him, but I cant go back....
I will be the cause of my own misery for the rest of my life.

I live with a mother who changes faces day to day. Yesterday she was happy and the mother that I always wanted, today, a different story. Its getting harder and harder to be here each day and I really just want to get away from it all.
From them all.
I want to scream at them that they are all worthless excuses for human life and should really just go into a hermit like state. I want to climb a building and shout from the top that I am a whore and a failure and that my parents wish I were dead and how I do too. I want to leave them all behind.
Except one.
Yea, only one...how pathetic right...?
I only want to feel free and happy again...
Its been a while.
Maybe when I'm Finlay out of this place Ill be able to get to that state of jihad, that state of complete relaxation and peacefulness. Maybe Ill find college to be a place of smarter more understanding people that I crave to be around.
I am not meant to be here, I know this now...hell Ive known it for a LONG time now.
I am sick of everything they say. I'm sick of them revealing their personal lives to me in an attempt to make me see how "cool"they are when in truth they remind me of those 6Th graders you see standing outside of the mall or where-ever smoking a cigarette without inhaling in a sad way, just to make themselves look more mature or whatever, even though anyone who looks at them sees a huge lit up sign that reads "I am a tool" over their heads.
Why is everyone so fake...
hell I'm just like them in my own ways....
Its time to leave this place.
Time to feel again.